But the fact remains that I’m a short, dark-skinned, fat Black girl, with a natural.
I’m all those things in a culture that not only hates fat, and finds it repulsive, but also in a culture where fat dark-skinned women can only find roles in movies as maids.
They see girls like me as sisters, as homegirls, but not as love options, because they don’t find big girls sexy.
They usually find us I know there is this myth in Black America that brothers like their sisters thick, thick like a luscious milkshake, that “brings all the boys to the yard,” as it were.
And a third, fundamentally more well-meaning group, will come over an give anecdotes about all the thick chicks they know who have male partners.
The number will usually total up to no more than 2 or 3 mind you.
I think of all that CRUNK club-hopping I did in ATL back in the early days of the CFC.
So posts like this make folks uncomfortable, often leading to three kinds of reactionary (and unhelpful) comments. Even though we all have insecurities, self-confidence is not my major struggle.
The first will be from those folks who insist that I must really have low self-esteem about my weight and that it must be coming through to the dudes I’m meeting. The only way to live in my body, doing the work I do, is to be confident.
As un-feminist as I’m sure it is, and as much my Sagittarian self wants to say f**k the world and embrace my life of singleness in a blaze of principled feminist big girl glory, the #truestory is that I’m seriously trying to figure out how I can get my J. I also know being thinner won’t guarantee me a date, but I’m willing to bet it’ll improve my chances.
Feel free to weigh in in the comments on your experiences dating as a big girl, your thoughts on the sometimes un-feminist things we do for love, or anything else you wanna say.