Simply put, many people don’t consider online chatting/sex to be cheating.But, the problem with this is twofold: Because online chatting/sex is rewarding but not very costly (one can easily control how, when, and where it happens), people are easily drawn to it.I’ve spent more and more time here for the past 6 months, since we’ve got engaged, so I’ve used his computer a lot more as well.I was messing around one day and found a ton of pornography on it.The high reward and low cost nature of online cheating makes it difficult to stop.
Moreover, most people dismiss their online activities as NOT being real—it is like a sexual fantasy, it doesn’t have much consequence—because one can walk away from it or turn it off—unlike a traditional affair where there has been physical contact and a person who actually exists in one’s social network.
Initially we had web cams, I got rid of mine, he still had his and just put it away a couple months ago (5).
I had always wondered why he kept it set up right next to his computer when we didn’t use it anymore with each other.
Typically, what happens when you try to control a partner’s behavior, especially a behavior that is very rewarding to him, a partner will learn to better hide or conceal his activities (see when people lie).
And it may help to be realistic about how much both you and your boyfriend can change with respect to this issue.